Its been a while since I have captured my thoughts in a blog - I don’t know if its just me but I often get a spark of inspiration, a bolt of anger or passion, a feeling of deep reflection and I want to explore it, sit for hours and let the words flow being creative capturing that energy but then life interferes - the dinner needs to be made, someone needs a hug, a lesson plan needs to be written or I need to run off and teach a yoga class, beautiful mundane life needs to be lived and that little spark fizzles, and I do not resent life needing to be lived but I am aware that creativity is important to me and I will carve time to captures those sparks.
Maybe the universe had that plan for me to as I fell on Thursday rolling on my ankle -it was painful and made me slow, I had to cancel classes, and I had to be still and its hasn’t been easy but maybe it was needed - maybe there is lessons to be learnt.
Movement - what does movement mean to me?
When I was little really little, I was always moving, jumping on my bed, rounders, dancing, and when I look at my children now that is how they exist also - to move is simply how they be and its how I did too - free without thought to enjoying expression through movement, feeling the buzz of being chased, the satisfaction of catching a ball or putting on a show and making up dance moves - maybe then at that age is when we are most in touch with our bodies and feeling the emotions attached with movement.
As I grew I was never part of any out of school physical activity, my friends went to irish dancing and my brother played in football teams and martial arts. I can remember wanting to but never did I insist for it so was then never really encouraged.
I do remember taking the dog for walk with my grandad a lot - he would walk Sandy our dog twice a day - my grandparents lived in an estate so the walk was never nature filled or amazing views - he would put his hand in his pocket pop his elbow in my direction look at me and say “you like chicken - grab a wing” it made me laugh then I would always link his arm. When I announce now to my children I am going for a dog walk they need to be convinced, I use to jump up the minute I saw him reaching for the dog lead and Shillelagh (a irish walking stick) when I asked him why he took it only on dogs walks, “for protection” he would answer with a smile. We used to visit Hemsby on sea annually to my grandparents caravan and the walks there in the dunes were my favourite - they were adventures, sometimes my nan would join - me, my brother and my grandparents off on a long dog walk collecting shells and stones - buckets full. Such good memories the best memories.
As a teen I was never the sporty one, I think I was actually pretty avoidant of PE - movement and self esteem are connected and I was pretty self aware and shy, maybe not seeming it but feeling it for sure - my teenage years I remember feeling uncertain , like I was stood on shaky ground and often saying to people I have butterflies in my tummy, I feel worried - they would say why? what are you worried about? and I wouldn’t know - anxiety I now recognise that to be. Perhaps if I had some sport or activity in my life then it would have helped me.
That anxiety stayed close I found ways to soothe it - and those coping mechanisms not always healthy but once I became a mother it triggered something in me and that’s when I started to explore self care and I started to move with kindness.
Moving with kindness is a way I can love myself, I shift and move energy, I remember attending my yoga class and just knowing this would play a huge part in my life - I remember first walking into the gym feeling self aware and uncomfortable but I stuck with it and I no longer feel that awkwardness - my self esteem has grown and you I know what this isn’t the most popular thing to say but I feel my most beautiful after a spin class, well maybe not straight after when I am a violet colour but after a shower as I am walking out - I feel proud and beautiful, no makeup I think that mite be the endorphins but who cares haha!
And its only been a week of being still ish and I miss it all, moving my body without pain, yoga, weights, dog walks, spin - but being slow and reflective has made me grateful for my amazing body, creating 3 babies, moving energy and emotions through, I have pain in my ankle that will heal - the pain is there for a reason and I will honour that and learn the lessons it brings. To be slow and reflective lead me to writing this blog - more cuddles with my babies - teaching yoga little differently, challenges can lead to insight and we do grow when we have to do things little differently but I am so happy I have found out how much movement helps me, the memories you make by moving and living the whole human experience with our amazing bodies.
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